Monday, July 16, 2012

This Video Really Hit Home For Me!

Hello Again!

I'll bet you wonder where I have been lately. I've been busy doing everything but somehow not doing what I really need to be getting done. Sounds funny but it's true.

I have been getting my house in order. But in the reality I've been saying that for 2 years now! UGH! My husband was hospitalized for 9 days then took another week at home to recover, trying to do my flowerbeds a bit each morning before it gets hot, then I had  a garage sale (moved into my home since it was so hot out), then had  a Close To  My Heart party(scrap booking and card making company) which took me days to set up and make decorations and now finally trying to finish off organizing the last of my crafting stuff and photographs and memorabilia. Which the craft stuff and photos/memorabilia are not done. I have all of it sitting on part of my kitchen counters and the photographs and memorabilia are in the living room in tubs and on a portable table. I have at least 6 boxes that need mailed out to friends which I have let another week go by and not finished them off.(they all seem like they are lacking one thing or another)

Yes, some may say but you have gotten a lot done. That's true. But what should be most important...taking care of myself never gets done, or even started! Somehow I have let my diet and lifestyle choices take a back seat to all this other "stuff'. I have no balance in my life. I am always tired, stressed and worried about getting EVERYTHING done. I tell myself when it's all done and caught up I will take care of me. But somehow each morning I get up take care of my husband, pets, meals and the house that I am exhausted physically. Let's face it I need it to sink into my head that it will NEVER all be done, that there will always be something to do. But I need to be on the top of the to do list!

The sad thing is I know how to fix it. I have such  a wonderful life! A great husband, great family, lots of friends here and around the world! I love crafting. It makes me feel calm and refreshed. I spend more time doing that than cooking! :0) For some reason I am beginning to hate to cook. Maybe it's more I hate to do dishes. How I wish we had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher! LOL

Watching this new video it really hit home for me! When she talks about people giving up on changing their diet and lifestyle because it's hard I felt like she was talking to me. And now my health has suffered for it. All these doctor appointments and specialists is what is really hard. I need to get my mind back in the game. I know that when I take care of myself I will do better in all areas of my life. 

I also have let my diet buddy down. I'm sorry Debb so much to have not fulfilled my side of the plan. I'm glad your still there for me. I hope you know how much that has meant to me. I'll be talking with you soon.

I am beginning to realize this really is a journey of discovery, of ups and downs and most of all one that I know I can't do alone. I WILL get back and take a refresher course at the Wellness Forum, I WILL write to family and friends for help and I WILL do it starting NOW!!!

Thank you for stopping by and I would love to hear your stories of success and tips to help keep me moving toward my goals. I appreciate you all more than word on this page could ever describe! 

Have a wonderful week!

Till  my next post...

Monday, April 9, 2012

Do You Have Different "Friends"?

In yesterday's post I was writing about the women in my support group and a diet buddy. Is it odd that I already think of the women in my support group as friends? I definitely think of Debb my diet buddy as a close friend! Then I have my "crafting" friends. Is it odd to categorize your friends? Maybe that's not a good way of saying what I mean. Let me explain.

I have another blog. I share my crafting but also a bit of this and that from my life. I have shared many ups and downs with all those crafting friends. Especially Debb, Carly and Babe. All the men and women in my crafting group here locally or online are so much more than friends. Debb, Carly and Babe could be my long lost sisters! I spend most of my energy on and with my crafting friends. It gives me the most joy in my life!!!

Then I realized what I was trying to say in my post yesterday!!! Do I give the support to the women in the support group that I find it effortless to give to my crafting friends? And to my diet buddy Debb?

As I sit and think of this I realize that no two friends are alike. I have such a loving and kind group of friends that it would be hard to but them all in one category or type! SO WHY TRY!!! :0) I think sometimes over thinking a good thing is a waste of time. LOL

I think as I am now struggling with my weight loss I am encountering feelings of failure. Things like "you can lose it but you'll just gain it back" or "I just have too much to lose why'll just gain it back!" "how can you help or support anyone when you are struggling yourself". (and the list goes on)

Let's face it...I am my own worst enemy! :0)

Before I close this post, I want to thank Carly personally. You really are more than a friend my dear. You are a support to me and letting me know that I am a support to you made me cry tears of joy! I can tell you anything and I'm so glad to have a friend like you!!! I'm so blessed in every way!Thanks for being a friend who is honest enough with me to give me a quick reminder! I love you like a sister!!! And if I don't tell you enough, you are appreciated!!! xoxoxox

To those of you who are on your weight loss journey. I ask you to sit and think about all the support you have. If you have support even if it is from one person you are BLESSED! You CAN make the journey to a happy and healthy life. And if you find yourself in need of some support...come along with me on my journey! You are welcome and I would love to hear from you!!!

Till my next post...

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Support Group And Am I Supportive?

In my last post I mentioned I was going to a support group for caregivers. It has been "sad and wonderful". I feel such empathy for the ladies in the group. Each has their own turmoil that they are dealing with. Each of us different but alike. I guess that would be the sad part.

The wonderful part is that I don't feel alone. I have a SAFE place I can go and know that no one will ever belittle me or hurt me. Most importantly what we say stays in the room. We don't share it with anyone. They listen to me and sometimes I feel like I have diarrhea of the can't shut me up. But mostly I find the women wonderful. They are all so interesting and intelligent. The group coordinator is very calm and insightful. I see her watch and listen and ask great questions to steer the conversations and make us all think of the possible solutions to our individual needs. She also gives us something to work on till our next meeting.

I'm not sure how much I give in the way of support. I'm not much of a phone person. And like all the other women we are caregivers for our spouses. Mine is a quadriplegic(I'm sure I may have mentioned it before) and it is a full time job in and of it's self! Sometimes I have felt the overwhelming need to call and just say hi to one of the women but I always feel like I would be a pest. I think of all of them each day while I walk on my treadmill. I wonder how they are doing and if they are having a good day. (Of course I think of other things and of my diet buddy Debb!)

Sometimes I think I need to just row my own boat. You don't have anything to give. Your opinion is not important. Your not a professional. I really can't help. Don't worry about others. Mind your own business. Then I tell myself what a lonely place the world would be if we all thought like that.

When it comes to my weight I have a friend and diet buddy. Her name is Debb. She lives in another state but you would think we lived next door to each other. With her help I have been soda free and exercising! She is going through a difficult health issue right now and must lose weight. Yet she is there for me with calls and emails. So my point I a support for her in the way she is for me? I am NOT. Then I wonder am I supportive of the women in our group? Can I do better? YES!

I think this is something I need to change about myself. I'm so scared to give of myself totally to friends or even family. It's something I will think to email Debb! :0)

What support do you have in making healthy and happy lifestyle changes? Support group? Family? Friends?
I'd love to hear form you! :0)

Till my next post...

Friday, March 16, 2012


I have been in such a funk of late. And even though I don't feel like doing anything. I still exercised today with my husband. I walked on my treadmill(1 mile in 35 minutes). I also lifted weights, did leg lifts and jumped on my mini trampoline.

Now here's the thing. I know exercise is suppose to make you feel better. A natural pick me up but I just feel tired. I haven't been exercising so I will have to get use to it again. I think I'm so sad and stressed that it's going to take more than just one day of exercising to make me feel better. But I will continue on. I will do my best!

What I do feel is accomplishment! I didn't want to, I could have made excuses but I did it anyway. For that I thank my husband and Debb for her encouragement over this stressful time.

I go to a support group this coming Tuesday for caregivers. I think it will be a step in the right direction. It sure makes you grateful for what you do have! :0)

Well, I need to go to bed. I have my family visiting tomorrow. My house is not cleaned up enough but I just can't do anymore tonight! It will have to wait til morning.

Take care and I hope you are having an enjoyable weekend.

Till my next post...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Can't Sleep....Making My Own Misery!

One of the most profound statements and elderly friend shared with me is that the one thing in life he learned after 80 plus years of living was "Most people make their own Misery!".

He went on to say they complain about their lot in life and don't have money but you see them spend on the things that tear their families apart like booze, drugs and gambling or are they charging more than they can pay for clothes and other material things that they really don't need. So when they don't have the money to pay for their bills who is to blame? He said "People need to take responsibility for their actions good or bad. People have the power to have a happy or miserable life but it's up to them and no one else."

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I guess that goes for how we take care of our physical bodies too. Or more to the point how I have taken care of mine! In my case "food and soda" are the drugs that are ruining my body but most importantly ruining my mental well being. I AM MAKING MY OWN MISERY!!!

I haven't posted in 6 months and that's because I've gone back to all my old bad habits. At first the excuse was it's the holidays. Now I just use it for an escape and lately from people who have hurt my feelings so bad even though to them they were just joking. How I hate sarcasm. To me it isn't humor at all. The man that was so rude thought he was being funny he even said to me, "asking if he was kidding showed how stupid I was"! Now I know in life their are people like him. So why do I take everything so personally. I am NOT stupid. He was just rude.

I grew up being taught that you are to always obey the "golden rule". Treat others the way you wish to be treated. We were told to help the elderly neighbor to mow her lawn, shovel her walk and do any odd chores she needed done. I loved helping her and other neighbors.(and we never took any money for doing it!) I still love helping and volunteering here and there. It makes me feel good about myself and I feel it's the right thing to do.

But in doing so I was never taught balance. I'm beginning to realize the following: I have always thought of myself as a people person. I love doing things with my friends and family. But I am starting to rethink that I'm not just a people person but a people pleaser. I will do anything anyone asked me. NO is not in my vocabulary, even though it will cause me great exhaustion and sadness I still put their needs first. If someone makes fun of me or is cruel I just take it. I try to never make waves. I put others before myself in everything I do.

I don't think I even know myself anymore! But I do know that inside, I am a good person who would never say anything to anyone to hurt their feelings. I care about my family and friends deeply. And most of all I can find the good in anyone!!! Even the people who make me the butt of their jokes or say hurtful things to my face.

I guess the bottom line for me is that until I start taking care of myself and get a thicker skin, I'm doomed to my own misery!

So where do I begin? I fell like a little row boat just being battered against the huge waves of the sea.

I've had a couple of really bad days. But yesterday really hit me hard. I felt like I was sinking! I took sleeping aids and then slept till noon today. Do I feel any better? NO NO NO! I drank 4 sodas, a Twinkie, 2 cupcakes and a meal loaded with fat and grease! Did I have these things in the house? No! I went and bought them. Did it make me feel better eating them? Only for the moment. Now I feel ashamed of myself. I feel less than nothing. Most of all I feel like a hypocrite!!!! My last post was how I wasn't drinking soda anymore!

I don't really know how to end this post. I think I needed to just write what I was feeling right now, in the moment. I guess like Scarlet O'Hara said..."Tomorrow is another day"! :0) I will re-read this tomorrow. May even delete it. Probably shouldn't!

I have a lot to really think about. I think one thing is crystal clear. I need professional help to get some issues resolved. Brian Tracy said "The kindest thing you can do for the people you care about is to become a happy, joyous person." And that is what I want to be! Happy and Joyous!

Take care everyone. Please keep me in your thoughts as I continue on my journey(slow though it may seem) to a happy and healthy life.

Till my next post...

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Made It Through Day 2 With NO SODA!

I have to say I have felt better. Caffeine withdrawals are icky!!! But mentally I feel such satisfaction that I haven't had any soda in 2 days! Sadly after my 21 day kick start I went on a weekend holiday to my brothers in Missouri I allowed my self to have a soda each day but by the time we got back and a week later one soda became 2 litters a day!!! Allowing my self a "treat" at this point is not a good idea.

So when the last one was gone 2 days ago I went to the store with every intention of buying a 12 pack and "weening" myself off them. I told myself that that would be the best way to do it. Knowing fully well that soda is my trigger food! As I turned down the isle a woman was being helped by what looked to be her daughter putting a lot of soda in the cart. The woman and younger woman were extremely obese(like me). The woman was using a portable oxygen tank and in the store scooter. For just a moment I felt like I was looking at my future. In a flash I went right past them knowing that I will not be doing this to my body anymore. Could that have been a light bulb moment for me? :0)

I was feeling shaky tonight. But when I went to check my emails my weight loss buddy and dear friend Debb had emailed one of the best ever emails. She is so honest and thought provoking. She asked me to think about certain things, like why am I putting myself in a victim role? Why am I letting some people run over me? Very good questions!

I've made another day of good choices. Tomorrow I am going to do it again. I can't lose with a supportive husband, my weight loss buddy and dear friend Debb, good friends, my blog friends and with the brain God gave me! I can do it! :0)

Tomorrow I will post my delicious bean soup I am going to make. The beans are soaking now. :0)

Have a happy and healthy day!

Till my next post...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Thank You Debb!

Thank You Debb for encouraging me to keep going. I'm still losing weight(slowly) and I have been having my shake EVERY morning! I think your right that one good choice will help me make more good choices throughout the day.

I really need to start exercising. I keep using the excuse that I will do it after the house is clean but that will never happen. Today I will exercise and I am going to set up a schedule for bedtime, waking up and exercising. Along with my meal plan for the rest of the week. If it's not in black and white, I just don't seem to follow through.

Debb, you have to be one of the strongest people I know. Your going through so much and have been for a while yet you keep going, keep losing and have made real lifestyle changes. Thank you again for all you tips, encouragement and most of all your friendship.

And to those of you who may have stopped by and left comments. I thank you too. There are so many good people out there on a journey to a healthier life. Ultimately I know it's up to me but knowing others are on a journey to a happier and healthier life makes me feel less alone. A lot more doable! :0)

Till my next post, I wish you a happy and healthy day.