Thursday, October 20, 2011

Made It Through Day 2 With NO SODA!

I have to say I have felt better. Caffeine withdrawals are icky!!! But mentally I feel such satisfaction that I haven't had any soda in 2 days! Sadly after my 21 day kick start I went on a weekend holiday to my brothers in Missouri I allowed my self to have a soda each day but by the time we got back and a week later one soda became 2 litters a day!!! Allowing my self a "treat" at this point is not a good idea.

So when the last one was gone 2 days ago I went to the store with every intention of buying a 12 pack and "weening" myself off them. I told myself that that would be the best way to do it. Knowing fully well that soda is my trigger food! As I turned down the isle a woman was being helped by what looked to be her daughter putting a lot of soda in the cart. The woman and younger woman were extremely obese(like me). The woman was using a portable oxygen tank and in the store scooter. For just a moment I felt like I was looking at my future. In a flash I went right past them knowing that I will not be doing this to my body anymore. Could that have been a light bulb moment for me? :0)

I was feeling shaky tonight. But when I went to check my emails my weight loss buddy and dear friend Debb had emailed one of the best ever emails. She is so honest and thought provoking. She asked me to think about certain things, like why am I putting myself in a victim role? Why am I letting some people run over me? Very good questions!

I've made another day of good choices. Tomorrow I am going to do it again. I can't lose with a supportive husband, my weight loss buddy and dear friend Debb, good friends, my blog friends and with the brain God gave me! I can do it! :0)

Tomorrow I will post my delicious bean soup I am going to make. The beans are soaking now. :0)

Have a happy and healthy day!

Till my next post...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Thank You Debb!

Thank You Debb for encouraging me to keep going. I'm still losing weight(slowly) and I have been having my shake EVERY morning! I think your right that one good choice will help me make more good choices throughout the day.

I really need to start exercising. I keep using the excuse that I will do it after the house is clean but that will never happen. Today I will exercise and I am going to set up a schedule for bedtime, waking up and exercising. Along with my meal plan for the rest of the week. If it's not in black and white, I just don't seem to follow through.

Debb, you have to be one of the strongest people I know. Your going through so much and have been for a while yet you keep going, keep losing and have made real lifestyle changes. Thank you again for all you tips, encouragement and most of all your friendship.

And to those of you who may have stopped by and left comments. I thank you too. There are so many good people out there on a journey to a healthier life. Ultimately I know it's up to me but knowing others are on a journey to a happier and healthier life makes me feel less alone. A lot more doable! :0)

Till my next post, I wish you a happy and healthy day.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Learning Something Painful About Myself

I don't know how to start this post other than to say I think I have finally hit rock bottom mentally and physically. I don't like myself, the way I physically feel, the way I look from all the extra weight I carry and how withdrawn I am becoming. I guess maybe it's the sugar and caffeine withdrawals. HA!

My house is always just on the brink of being organized and "perfectly" cleaned. I just almost make it to the end of the week without "cheating".

Deep down I know I am a good person but I haven't felt like it for a few years. A few years ago my sister-in-law kindly gave me a book called Potatoes Not Prozac. A different kind of diet book. I joined the site and that didn't last long.(you work up to no sugar in your diet...very good idea that I just didn't master it) Than for my birthday a few months later she gave me the book "Codependent No More. How to stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself" by Melody Beattie. OK, I thought, hold it together, she's not trying to hurt your feelings she's trying to help you. But, my feelings were hurt. I read the book filled with anger. Then for my next birthday she sent me a book "52 Weeks of Esteemable Acts A Guide to Right Living". OK, now I am feeling like a piece of crap. I think to myself does everyone feel this way about me? I know my family is totally screwed up but is this my legacy? Am I not "living right"? Am I "controlling others"? Am I hopped up on sugar? OK that one is a yes! HA! At least my sister-in-law had the courage to send it to me and I'm thankful to her for doing it. It has made me look at myself and my actions. I'm re-reading them now without the hurt and anger. :0)

I am always putting EVERYONE before myself. I have never intentionally meant to hurt a friend or family member(although I have from time to time). And in trying to be the perfect wife, homemaker, friend, sister, daughter, Aunt and volunteer and all I have become is FAT AND UNHAPPY!!! According to the codependent book I need to save everyone to have self worth. Ok, thats bad. Than the other book says you need to be helping people every week to live right! I just want to be a kind and healthy person.

Needless to say, I don't want to be around family or friends when I'm like this. I feel like I always have to be happy. I am so mentally exhausted that I don't feel like doing anything. I care for my husband (who is paralyzed) and when I do leave for a craft class or a girls night (we make rubber stamped greeting cards) all I can do is worry and feel guilty.

OK, not everything in my life is working right now. Some things are though. My husband is wonderful, grateful and very loving. He makes me feel loved and special when no one else does. I have the tools to keep losing weight and I have a weight loss buddy. And even if I do have a lot of flaws(I admit it!) I am a kind and smart woman!

My plan of action is to lose the weight and take care of myself. If I do that I will be able to take care of what really matters. And what really matters to me is my husband, pets and home first! It's time for me to row my own boat and let others row theirs. :0) I love my family and friends so much but it's up to me to take care of myself now before it's too late to enjoy those relationships.

That felt good getting it off my chest.

Till my next post...